Growing up, I always considered myself to be argumentative. Quick with a sarcastic comment and even quicker to get angry, I rarely backed down from an argument.
This didn’t translate well in my non-committed(I had had a few relationships but two committed ones) romantic relationships and I found myself arguing incessantly with the women I dated. I would like a gal a lot, but if we didn’t agree on something then we would go at it. In my (weak) defense, the women I dated seemed argumentative too. Some gals are much too laid back to bicker with their boyfriends or anyone else for that matter, but I rarely dated these types of women (and if I did then I must have pulled them past their limit).
The weird thing is, I hate arguing. But I thought that was what couples did. I have never seen my parents argued all the time. I'm thankful for the peace. As I got older, I realized that there are people in functional relationships who argue all the time.
Not too long ago, my friend pointed out that I was not in one of those relationships. My girlfriend and I disagree but we don’t go back and forth arguing, screaming, yelling, slamming doors and cursing each other out. We’re nice to each other. And though she can roll her neck and cut my eyes like the rest of them, she doesn't do that stuff at with me. Maybe we are old-fashioned, but I think home should be a place of love, peace and harmony and I’ve learned to speak my piece without getting angry and flying off the handle.
Everyone doesn’t think this way and we all know that couple who never stops arguing. I don’t mean arguing about infidelity or lies or something equally serious. I mean that couple who is arguing about the way to fold towels or sweep the porch or how to pronounce a word on the menu or what what to watch on TV or which gift to buy their three-year-old niece.
For those couples who argue about everything in front of everyone, here are a few tips to keep the peace.
1. Agree to disagree::: Compatibility is ideal but no one (who isn’t kidding themselves) is 100 percent compatible with their mate. Even if you agree on the big things like kids, marital roles and religion, you’re going to disagree on some things and that’s okay. There’s no sense going back and forth when neither of you is going to change your mind.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff::: You have to make up in your mind that you’re not going to argue about dumb stuff. Picture it: you’re in the car headed to a restaurant. You both have an idea of the best way to get there. You think it’s quicker to take the highway and he thinks it’s quicker to take the streets. Who’s right? It doesn’t matter. There is no sense waging a full out war in the car when you’ll ultimately save or lose two minutes in the end…or get there at the exact same time no matter what.
3. Be self-aware::: I know when I’m in a bad mood and ready to criticize and complain about everything. I try to warn my girl when I’m in this mood so she knows that it’s not about her and she knows not to keep asking me what’s wrong because I’m just irritated for no real reason. Take a nap or eat food or just veg out in front of the TV. If I’m forced to be social, I consciously try to redirect my negative energy so I’m not picking at her.
4. Be quiet::: I don’t know about other couples, but the quiet thing works well for us. I don’t suggest you sit somewhere and stew, but giving full vent to your anger is hardly ever a good plan. Sometimes just being quiet calms a situation whereas going back and forth only fans the flames.
5. Keep perspective::: This is your significant other, your P.I.C., your ace boon. Sure you love (or strongly like) this person, but isn’t he also your homie? Don’t be mean. Don’t take an opportunity to hurt his feelings by hitting him below the belt over something that doesn’t even call for that. Women are good for this. They can cut someone down to size in no time, but oftentimes that’s not even necessary. Disagree on things without name-calling.
Of course, there are some couples who like to argue, but for those who get no pleasure out of cussing out their significant other or being cussed out by him/her, there are ways to disagree without being cruel.
This didn’t translate well in my non-committed(I had had a few relationships but two committed ones) romantic relationships and I found myself arguing incessantly with the women I dated. I would like a gal a lot, but if we didn’t agree on something then we would go at it. In my (weak) defense, the women I dated seemed argumentative too. Some gals are much too laid back to bicker with their boyfriends or anyone else for that matter, but I rarely dated these types of women (and if I did then I must have pulled them past their limit).
The weird thing is, I hate arguing. But I thought that was what couples did. I have never seen my parents argued all the time. I'm thankful for the peace. As I got older, I realized that there are people in functional relationships who argue all the time.
Not too long ago, my friend pointed out that I was not in one of those relationships. My girlfriend and I disagree but we don’t go back and forth arguing, screaming, yelling, slamming doors and cursing each other out. We’re nice to each other. And though she can roll her neck and cut my eyes like the rest of them, she doesn't do that stuff at with me. Maybe we are old-fashioned, but I think home should be a place of love, peace and harmony and I’ve learned to speak my piece without getting angry and flying off the handle.
Everyone doesn’t think this way and we all know that couple who never stops arguing. I don’t mean arguing about infidelity or lies or something equally serious. I mean that couple who is arguing about the way to fold towels or sweep the porch or how to pronounce a word on the menu or what what to watch on TV or which gift to buy their three-year-old niece.
For those couples who argue about everything in front of everyone, here are a few tips to keep the peace.
1. Agree to disagree::: Compatibility is ideal but no one (who isn’t kidding themselves) is 100 percent compatible with their mate. Even if you agree on the big things like kids, marital roles and religion, you’re going to disagree on some things and that’s okay. There’s no sense going back and forth when neither of you is going to change your mind.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff::: You have to make up in your mind that you’re not going to argue about dumb stuff. Picture it: you’re in the car headed to a restaurant. You both have an idea of the best way to get there. You think it’s quicker to take the highway and he thinks it’s quicker to take the streets. Who’s right? It doesn’t matter. There is no sense waging a full out war in the car when you’ll ultimately save or lose two minutes in the end…or get there at the exact same time no matter what.
3. Be self-aware::: I know when I’m in a bad mood and ready to criticize and complain about everything. I try to warn my girl when I’m in this mood so she knows that it’s not about her and she knows not to keep asking me what’s wrong because I’m just irritated for no real reason. Take a nap or eat food or just veg out in front of the TV. If I’m forced to be social, I consciously try to redirect my negative energy so I’m not picking at her.
4. Be quiet::: I don’t know about other couples, but the quiet thing works well for us. I don’t suggest you sit somewhere and stew, but giving full vent to your anger is hardly ever a good plan. Sometimes just being quiet calms a situation whereas going back and forth only fans the flames.
5. Keep perspective::: This is your significant other, your P.I.C., your ace boon. Sure you love (or strongly like) this person, but isn’t he also your homie? Don’t be mean. Don’t take an opportunity to hurt his feelings by hitting him below the belt over something that doesn’t even call for that. Women are good for this. They can cut someone down to size in no time, but oftentimes that’s not even necessary. Disagree on things without name-calling.
Of course, there are some couples who like to argue, but for those who get no pleasure out of cussing out their significant other or being cussed out by him/her, there are ways to disagree without being cruel.
What are some ways you keep the peace in your relationship?
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