Raise Your Hand If You’re Sure!

Let’s face it; we’re all insecure about something at some point in our lives. However, what separates people who are sure of themselves from an insecure person is their ability to recognize insecurities when they creep up and their ability to manage them. Most insecurity comes about as a result of fear and doubt, and relationships are the perfect breeding ground for these insecurities to manifest them. While we may be confident at work, around family or with our friends, sometimes we feel most vulnerable while in a romantic relationship. Because emotions are high and you’re placing your heart in someone else’s hands, feeling safe and secure is paramount for a relationship to succeed. If you’ve been feeling shaky about your place in a relationship, here are some ways you can identify any insecurities you may have so that you can work on tackling your way into a great relationship.

You Don’t Feel Worthy of Your Partner

If you constantly hear yourself saying to your partner, “I don’t deserve you,” then your confidence needs a real boost. Not only are you downplaying how great you really are, but you may be planting a seed in your partner’s head that screams, “Maybe he/she really DOESN’T deserve me”…and they’ll have second thoughts about their commitment to you. You have to ask yourself why you feel your partner is “better” than you are, or what it is about yourself that doesn’t measure up in the relationship. Do you not feel smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough? Trust me, if you keep pointing out all of your perceived flaws, your man will start imagining them as well – and any undesirable traits, whether real or imagined, will become glaring. If you truly feel you have several areas of your personality or life that need improving, put off dating while you work on yourself. This will boost your confidence, and eventually you will meet someone you feel compliments you as your equal, and they’ll be fortunate to have YOU.

You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others

Do you feel that the only way you can measure your worth is against the value you place on others? Some people measure their worth by how much money they make, what they look like, what kind of car or home they own or even how many friends they have. By constantly comparing yourself to others, bragging about your impressive salary, what size jeans you wear, or basically how much “better” you are than someone else – including your partner – you’re actually exposing yourself…showing just how insecure you really are. Worrying about what everyone else is doing robs you of enjoying your own life and keeps others from seeing you for who YOU truly are. It’s always better to be the best version of yourself than a second-rate version of someone else.

You’re Jealous

We’ve all felt a tinge of jealousy before, and sometimes that can be a healthy emotion to feel from time to time. But if you’re overly jealous, possessive or always feel a sense of doubt in your relationships, chances are you are so insecure that you can’t trust anyone – and your relationship will be doomed from the start. Sure, if you’ve been deceived in a relationship and decided to stay, it’s understandable to be skeptical at times until trust is built again. But if this is an ongoing pattern or fear that you bring from one person to the next, then you should stop dating until you get over the underlying fear you have of being hurt. Most people are distrustful because they’ve been cheated on in the past, and despite this fear, find themselves in relationships over and over again where they make life miserable for the new partner who did nothing wrong. You may snoop through emails, texts or stalk his Facebook page, only to make yourself crazy and drive your partner further away from you. Don’t make your new sweetheart pay for the mistakes of past losers. Realize that there are people out there who deserve your love and trust, and you deserve to feel loved in return. Trust means that you believe in and want to bring out the best in your partner. If you don’t feel peace of mind in your relationships, work on forgiveness, for anyone who hurt you AND yourself, until you can trust again.

You’re Overly Competitive or a Know-It-All

Relationships are about love and compromise, not power or competition. But if you constantly feel the need to “show up,” belittle him or her in order to make yourself feel empowered, or are always trying to show how smart or superior you are, then your insecurity is at the heart of this behavior. When you feel secure in your relationship, you don’t feel the need to prove anything, you can simply “be” – and that’ll be enough. If you think being a know-it-all will make your partner appreciate you more, you’re mistaken. If anything, it’ll make him resentful of you, and he may even begin to wonder why you’re with him/her since you’re so much “better” than he/she is. Being bossy, degrading and defensive with your partner means you don’t feel confident with your role in the relationship, and it makes him/her feel like an enemy, not a partner. Relationships are about being a team, and should be a place where both parties feel safe to be themselves.

You Can’t Live Without Him/Her

Emotional instability is usually at the core of all doubts and fears when it comes to relationships, which leads to some folks holding on to an unhealthy relationship way longer than they should. Most insecure people feel that their relationship defines them, so if it were to come to an end, their world would come crashing down with it. Some insecure people go so far as to guilt the other person into staying with them, saying things like “I can’t live without you” or “You are my world, what would I do without you?” While relationships are about teamwork and unity, they shouldn’t make up your whole life to the point where you can’t stand alone. Your partner should compliment you, not make you whole – and if he or she should decide to just walk away – you should be able to withstand it. If the end of a relationship would devastate you to the point where you’re a basket case, then it’s time to reevaluate your emotional well-being. Sure, breakups hurt….but secure people can bounce back and learn from past relationships, not be wrecked by them.

You’re promiscuous A person who feels they need to use their sexuality as a way to attract men or women is insecure, but may be unaware of it as they tend to feel powerful when using that sexuality. But it’s a false sense of power, masked with their inability to see themselves as a WHOLE person as opposed to simply being a sexual object. These people are consumed with how Hot they are, and rarely attract those who are able to see past their overt sexual energy, which usually leads to disappointment, heartbreak and feelings of worthlessness.  There’s nothing wrong with being sensual, but sexual freedom is different than the overall feelings of confidence that a truly secure person feels. You are more than your body, so when looking to attract someone new, captivate them with your mind and spirit, not just what’s between your legs.