You know the song, “Why can’t we be friends?” I know that’s
everyone’s jam and what not, but sometimes, there are just some people
in life that you can’t get too friendly with. Are ex-boyfriends some of
those people? Depends on your situation.
In the past, I’ve come out of a serious relationship with a guy, gone
through the Roscoe-from-”Martin” snotty nose and a face full of tears,
played all the Mary I could, and cried to my mom for about an hour, only
to come out on the other side happy and glad to move on. My ex did the
same–without all the dramatics–and even got himself together to start a
new relationship. While I had no issue with that, I should have had an
issue with the fact that he wanted to still be friends with me. “We were
friends before all this and I don’t want to lose that.” Riiiight.
So like the fool I was, not necessarily hoping or thinking we were
going to get back together, but not seeing why being his friend would be
a problem, I agreed we could be cool. Boy, was that the worst idea of
all time. That friendship didn’t work out for a majority of reasons,
some I shall share with you in a second, and it helped me realize that
with some people, when you’re done with them, you really need to be
done. If you think you want to be friends with your ex, keep an eye out
for these habits/signs and keep in mind the following things, because he
could end up being as much of an issue as he was when you were in an
actual relationship.
1. He Has Unrealistic Expectations of You
Just because you agreed to be “cool” with your ex doesn’t mean you’re
supposed to start being best friends. If that happens organically, then
hey, that’s awesome, but if not, then that’s just how things were
supposed to be. With that, don’t let him guilt trip you into thinking
you’re supposed to be calling him all the time or texting him at all
times of the night: “Naw, don’t talk to me, you don’t know how to call
somebody…” Excuse me? Doesn’t he have a girlfriend? What would you look
like ringing up his phone all the time, and to talk about what? If you
all don’t have something very important to discuss, don’t let him make
you think you should be running up behind him. Being cool often means
just being cordial and friendly, not being his boo number two.
2. He Wants to Talk to You About His Girlfriend
Whether he’s comparing you to her, lauding her like she’s Mother
Teresa or simply just talking about their problems to you like you’re
Dr. Phil, all that mess isn’t necessary. What goes on between him and
his new main squeeze and how he feels about her really doesn’t have
anything to do with you, so why is he including you in their business?
I’m sure homegirl wouldn’t appreciate all that, so either smile and nod,
or politely tell him to keep all that to himself.
3. He Openly Tries to Play/Disrespect You
This was the number one reason my ex-boyfriend and I couldn’t be
friends. When I wasn’t at his beck and call like he hoped, when I would
see him, he would have a funky attitude on full display. Any niceties I
tried to show would get the ‘yeah, whatever’ face and he would try and
embarrass me in front of girlfriends when I joked with him. You
shouldn’t be going through some of the same crap you went through when
your past relationship went sour, and if he’s trying to take you back
down that road, run in the opposite direction, my dear.
4. Be Careful He’s Not Trying to Woo You Again
Make sure you don’t get your feelings all in a knot, girl. Sometimes
being around your ex can stir up old feelings, and the same goes for
him, and even though he has a new girlfriend, we know some folks will do
whatever they feel like doing (am I right?). If you know you really
don’t want to get back with him, nor do you want to be involved in
messing up his new relationship, keep things as friendly and normal as
possible. Just don’t get TOO friendly, okay?
5. He’s Getting A Bit Too Deep Into Your Business
If you do occasionally chat on the phone about life, he shouldn’t be
asking you who you’re dating. Some men think that because they snagged a
new piece of arm candy they are going to make you feel like s**t about
not having a new one of your own. Of course, you don’t need a whole new
man to signal that you’ve moved on. And at the same time, if you do have
one, that really has nothing to do with him. Who you’re messing with
could make him jealous, and that’s when the crazy and always irritable
ex (instead of “friend”) can rear his ugly head.
6. His New Girlfriend Is NOT Feeling You = Drama
I mean, put on her heels: would you really be all cool and dandy with
your new man being buddies with his ex (especially if they were
together for a substantial amount of time)? Some girlfriends are very
secure, while others don’t play that, and if you become cool again you
need to be aware of that. You might be guilty of nothing, but she might
always think you are on the low. But either way, you should hope that
she knows you all are friends and JUST that, and not only that, she
should know that you’re in contact with her man in general. If he
doesn’t have anything up his sleeve when it comes to you, why not let
her know…?
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