Have you ever heard of a “vacation relationship”? The concept can apply to a few things. It can apply to when you get into a mini-relationship with someone when you are on an actual vacation (think Dirty Dancing), it can happen when you are in a long distance relationship with someone and whenever you visit one another, neither of you works but you just put aside time to have fun with each other and it can be applied to a school relationship. What do all of these scenarios have in common? They don’t take place in the real world, where any real pressures are taking a toll on the relationship. It can be quite a reality shock when “the vacation” (school) ends and you try to take your relationship into the real world. Here’s how:
No social buffer
In school, you’re constantly surrounded by people. People down the hall in your dorm, people in the living room of your apartment, people partying across the street. You have to work just to get some alone time with your girlfriend/boyfriend. The second college ends, and everyone gets time-consuming jobs if they don’t just up and move away, you have to work to keep up a social life. Your boyfriend quickly becomes your social life. And you find out very quickly how well you really enjoy one another’s company.
The competition rises
Suddenly, you’re not just surrounded by freshmen through sections. You’re in a work environment with men of all kinds of ages and all kinds of accomplishments. You could be around young, attractive CEO’s, or at the very least a guy a few years older than you who is endearingly showing you the ropes. Your boyfriend isn’t the big man on campus anymore. He is the little man—the struggler—in a big world. And that becomes obvious very quickly.
You stress about money
Sure, in school your parents had you on a budget. You didn’t have unlimited amounts of money to spend on booze and trips to other part of the Country or beyond. But, for the most part, you didn’t have to think too much about how you spent it. Your parents probably footed the rent and food bill, and how you spent the rest of your money wasn’t going to put whether or not you had a roof over your head in jeapordy. After school, nobody is divvying up your finances like that for you anymore. And you become a lot more conscious of all of those fun (pricey) dates you used to go on. You probably won’t go on them as much anymore.
You need more from him
As we’ve discovered, you’re stressed about money. You’re also stressed about performing well at work. You’re sleep deprived. You’re figuring things out like handling your own car insurance, healthy insurance, cable bills…you need a lot more emotional support from your girlfriend/boyfriend than ever. When he cancels on you to go party with his friends, you’ll feel the void more than before.
You judge him as a grownup
When he was a fun, risk-taking, bad-mouthing university boy, no big deal—so was everyone else around him. Now, you’re going to be around older, more mature people. You are going to size him up and compare him to those around you. How does he compose himself? Does he seem worldly? Professional? Ambitious? Or does he suddenly look like a major child?
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